I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
Randomize
