i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
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