You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
I think I have vodka in my lungs
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
Randomize
