I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
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