something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
nutella sex= disaster
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
Randomize
