hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
Randomize