I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
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