my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
Randomize
