im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
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