This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
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