mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
Randomize
