Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
Randomize
