I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
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