Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
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