So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
Randomize
