My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Randomize
