So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
Randomize
