i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
