i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
