I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
Randomize
