All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
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