He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
