I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
My bed is full of blood and feathers
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Randomize
