butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
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