Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
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