I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
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