please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
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