I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
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