I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
Randomize
