i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
Randomize