before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
Randomize
