Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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