The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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