My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
She needs sedatives and a leash
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
Randomize
