Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
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