and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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