I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
