he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
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