**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
i black out too much to be "responsible"
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
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