with your own penis?
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
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