So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
Randomize
