I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
Randomize
