How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
Randomize
