Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
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