Are we in a gay sports bar?
paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
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