Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
Randomize
