Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
Randomize
