So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
Randomize
