You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
She even gives head with a lisp.
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
Randomize
