I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
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