I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
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