Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
either way he was missing a nipple.
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
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