The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
