I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
Did you pee in the oven last night??
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