Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
Randomize
