I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
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