Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
Randomize
