it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
Enjoy the penises
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
COCAINE IS GR8
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize
