My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
Randomize
