Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
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