he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
is this the sara with the beer cane?
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
Randomize
