Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
You need Xanax blowdarts
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
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