we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
Randomize
