the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
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