when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
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