Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
Randomize
