She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
I currently don't understand fingers.
Randomize
