Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
I take back everything I said about communal showers
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Randomize
