Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
...so i touched it.
She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
Randomize
