i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
So I think we're almost at the age where we should start calling boys men. Now what age do they start living up to the new title?
Most never. Some around 65.
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
