You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
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