woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
Randomize
